“Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?” -From Swing Life Away by Rise Against
Life’s funny. Darn, even that’s a cliche. I guess when I sit down to ponder the oddities of the journey of life, some cliches are bound to spring forth before I realize what’s happened. It’s so strange to me to consider how very far off most of us are when we think we know what we want out of life. There are so many things that I used to fantasize about as a little girl. But when the fantasies actually came true, they were inevitably disappointing. Nothing ever turns out to be what I imagined it would. And then there are the things that I wanted so badly…so badly. But looking back, all I can do is thank God I didn’t get what I longed for. I didn’t know what I wanted. I thought I knew, and I was dead wrong.
I’m the kind of person who always needs to be planning out my entire future. No matter that I have no idea if I will even wake up tomorrow morning. I need to know what I’ll be doing in 50 years, and I need to know now. Why is that? It’s part entertainment, part desperate grasping for something to look forward to, part insecurity that demands to be in control of my life. I think we all do it. We’re all looking for fulfillment. For contentment. For that something extra beyond the regular stuff that’s gonna satisfy our searching, longing, lust for life. I guess that’s why they call it the human “race.” What are we racing towards? Or what are we running from?
It’s easy to ignore the present by fixating on the future. Life will be so perfect once I graduate. Once I get married. Once I have a house of my own and a budget to decorate with. Once I have children, and a dog. Why is it that none of the things we get ever seem to satisfy us? Maybe we’re chasing all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons…