Wallowing in Apathy

“It’s getting hard to be someone, but it all works out. It doesn’t matter much to me.” -John Lennon, Strawberry Fields Forever

“I should like to know which is worse…experiencing, in a word, all the miseries through which we have passed- or else just sitting here and doing nothing?” Old Woman in Voltaire’s Candide

Sometimes it feels like nothing matters. Life gets so hard. It seems like the world is designed to beat us down and wear us ragged and then demand that we push back and work harder to get ahead. Even great opportunities come with a price- burdens of responsibility and dedication pile high. Instead of coping with the stress, I turn in a mental resignation to life. I need a hiatus. I’m wallowing in apathy.

Funny how all the minuscule things feel like such mountains. My life is a cake walk compared to lots of people I know. And theirs are not the worst out there. The world is riddled with real suffering and hardship, yet I have the audacity to complain about little things. School. Relationships. Difficult decisions. Yes, they take a toll. But I am so blessed. I rip my eyes out hoping it will allow me to see.

I get so caught up on details and little problems, I obsess over them. But in the grand scheme of things, these are only light and momentary troubles. Thank God my faith gives me hope. I’m such a mess, the apathy would consume me entirely if I had to go it alone. What can I do but pray for peace and trust that I don’t need to have everything under control.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

About Nicole

Daughter of God, wife, mother, volunteer youth leader, substitute teacher, aspiring writer, rabbit owner, nature lover. These are some of my titles.
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