“Gotta find me a future, get out of my way. I want it all. I want it all. I want it all. And I want it now! …It ain’t much I’m asking, if you want the truth. Here’s to the future, hear the cry of youth.” -Queen, I Want It All
Thanks for the battle cry, iTunes. I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. I’ve been lazy and whiny and pathetic. But no more.
Sometimes it’s awfully alluring to sit back and let people take care of me. But the truth is that I’m no damsel in distress. I’ve been slaying dragons all by myself for years. Sometimes I misstep a little, and then I have Meredith on one side, Michael on the other, Jon and Amy and my family all around me to keep me from falling. Everyone needs good people in their life. But I’m a strong and independent woman. (Cue old Destiny’s Child song…no wait…please don’t.)
I know God’s cheering me on, too. “Come on, don’t give up. You can do it. I made you for this.” And maybe occasionally, “Yes! I knew you could do it! Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
Yesterday I trudged to campus through snow and ice and 12 degree biting air to study for my Communications Law final. But then I got distracted and ended up wasting almost the whole day without getting anything done. I’ve been doing that a lot lately…just wasting my time on things that get me no where. I was pretty frustrated with myself. But after I got home I pulled myself together and studied really hard until midnight. I even wrote out some ideas for a paper I have due on Thursday. It feels great to work hard and get stuff done. I rocked that final today. I finished an hour and a half early, and maybe missed 2 points at the most.
It’s time to dig myself out of this slump I’ve been in. I’m willing to work my butt off for the things I want, once I figure out what it is that I want.
I have goals, they’re just not the kind of goals a lot of people expect or admire in this society. Eventually, I want to marry the guy I’ve loved for almost 40% of my life. When I do, I want to be the best wife possible and raise some awesome kids who’ll go out and change the world. (Dear radical feminists: being empowered and independent doesn’t mean I don’t need a man- it means I know that he needs me as much as I need him.) If I happen to become a wildly successful magazine editor in the process, that will be fine. If not, I’m sure God has an even better plan. Maybe we’ll be international missionaries, traveling the world and saving souls. We won’t be the “repent or die” kind of missionaries. We’ll actually help people with their physical needs, and show them Christ’s redeeming love the way it was meant to be shared. Whatever I do, I’m not gonna waste the blessings I’ve been given. Every talent and trait I have is for a purpose, and I’m gonna find that purpose. It’s a strange kind of empowerment, I know. But it’s mine.
“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” Andy Warhol
“And now it’s sunny with a high of 75, since you took my heavy heart and made it light. And it’s funny how you’ll find you enjoy your life when you’re happy to be alive.” -Relient K
*My reference to Eowyn refers to a character in Lord of the Rings. If you haven’t read it, you should! Eowyn is a woman with a fiery heart who chooses to fight alongside the men, even though they think she’s too weak. She’s fearless and great in battle, but eventually learns not to seek glory just for the sake of glory. She falls in love with Faramir, a gentle and loving man, and they balance each other out.