“Don’t bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”- William Faulkner
Sitting in my room wrapped in a blanket, listening to music and sorting through some of my favorite quotes, I feel depressed. Not really depressed. Just…down. And reflective. If I did New Year’s Resolutions, now would be the time to make the list. But I’m not the type. I think New Year’s Resolution is code for things about myself I should change that are so obvious, it’s cliche, but I still won’t actually do it. Kind of a waste of time, isn’t it?
Not that I’m above change. I could use some. But resolutions are a surefire first step to failure. Resolutions signify that you really don’t want to change, but since you know you should, you intend to force yourself. Are you doing it for yourself, or just trying to impress people and satisfy their expectations? The key to really re-vamping your life is motivation. (Cue self-help/motivational writing.) No, but really, you have to be happy with who you are and the life you lead. If things need changing, you have to be the one to want it.
How do you make yourself want it? Now that I don’t know. Maybe if you don’t really want it, you’re not really supposed to change. But that could be entirely wrong. I’m only 21, what do I know? If I ever figure it out, I’ll write all about it. But maybe instead of blogging I’ll write an inspirational book. If it comes from my own life experiences, I’ll make it a memoir. Instead of doling out the magical formula to the mystery of life free of charge, I’ll enlist a publicist and try to make you all pay for it. I’m a jerk like that.
What did I learn in 2008? Hopefully a lot, but I can’t think of a thing right now. Maybe it takes time. A lot of stuff happened to me this past year, but I guess it’s still settling. After a while, everything that was so keenly felt will be categorized under “the past.” Only then will I be ready to reflect and really study it all and extract some lessons or meaning. We’re changing and learning all the time, but it’s hard to attain a perspective that lets you pinpoint exactly what’s going on inside yourself.
Here’s to 2009, another year of opportunities to screw things up. I mean, to learn. Here we go again.
“Just when you think that you’re in control, just when you think that you’ve got a hold, just when you get on a roll, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again. Oh, here it goes again.” -OK Go