I had to get a physical for my summer job, and part of it is a test to make sure I don’t have tuberculosis. They stabbed me with a short, fat needle and injected something or another that made a bubble under my skin. Now it’s a little bruised hole that makes me look like a druggie with track marks. Tomorrow I have to go back in and show them my arm to prove I haven’t had a reaction. A reaction would mean that I have or have had tuberculosis.
This is stupid- I know I don’t have tuberculosis. But let’s say for entertainment’s sake that I do have tuberculosis. I’m pretty sure I’d be feeling pretty sick, but this is a fantasy so let’s also say that in this hypothetical situation tuberculosis has no noticeable symptoms except that I’m gonna die in a month. Let’s also say that tuberculosis is not contagious (which is a total lie).
Tuberculosis is kind of a fun word, so the first thing I’d do is go get it tattooed on myself. Probably in a really scripty, danty font on my inner forearm. There are all those cancer ribbons, but I bet there’s not a colored ribbon for people with TB. I might invent one and add that to my tattoo.
Next thing I’d do is withdraw from the university. When you’ve only got a month to live and over a year’s worth of coursework before you can get a degree, college becomes relatively impractical. Freed from the social pressure to perform, I’d have time to do some of the things I’ve always wanted to do.
First, I’d go up to random people on the street and at the university and tell them the Gospel. I always kinda feel like doing that, but it doesn’t seem like people would receive me that well. Maybe if they knew I was dying of tuberculosis they’d be more likely to take me seriously, and I’d be less scared of what they thought.
Here’s the “money is no object” category: There’s a bridge in New Zealand that I’d really like to bungy jump off. I’d like to go to Peru and hike to Macchu Piccho. I’d want to visit Germany and Austria to see where my family is from. I’d want to backpack in the Alps with Michael and Jon and whoever else is up for it. I’ve never been white water rafting, so that’d be cool. I’d want to go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, and while I’m in Australia I will have to hold a live platypus. I want to see Yellowstone, Arches, Canyonlands, and…well…almost any national parks that I haven’t been to would be great to hit up. Oh man, I should have given myself more than a month to live, how in the world will I fit all this in?
Maybe if I only had a month to live, Michael and I would get married in a whirlwind ceremony someplace pretty outside. Jon would officiate. Then all the sweet trips mentioned above could be our honeymoon. He can always go back to college after I’m gone. Then again, maybe all of those trips are a bad idea. If I only have a month to live, I should be spending quality time with my family and friends. I’m sure heaven will be much better than all of those awesome places combined.
Speaking of heaven, I hope that once I get through the pearly gates, I can walk to the end of the street of gold and find heaven’s countryside. The city of gold and all that finery is for folks who are into that kind of thing, but I’m sure God has some wilderness reserved for people like me. Maybe every day my wilderness will look like a different place so that I get to enjoy all the different types of nature God has created. (Well…there probably aren’t “days” in heaven, but let’s ignore that for now.) That’s the kind of thing that keeps eternity from getting old, besides, of course, being in the awesome presence of God and having no sin or sorrow. That part is too hard to imagine right now, so back to the heavenly landscape. There will be mountains for climbing and forests for strolling through. Jesus is probably pretty outdoorsy, so he’ll wanna hike with me a lot and the city folk can join us when they want a little get away from all that gold and glitter. Who’s scared of a little tuberculosis when you’ve got that to look forward to?
Well, I’m fairly certain I don’t have tuberculosis. I’m also quite positive that I haven’t gotten a thing done on either of the papers I have due this week. I can also say authoritatively that I’ve gotten very little sleep and that this blog is entirely pointless. It’s been fun though.