Anticipating goodbye

“Please save this for me. I’ll come back for you, love, I promise to. Please save this for me for until I return my love will burn, and my heart will stay.” -Ludo, Please

The date of my departure is approaching. The months have flown by. The weekends were few and busy. The weeks remaining turned to days. I’m starting to get nervous as I realize that there’s precious little time left for me to see Michael before I leave for Colorado.

Working at Lutheran Valley Retreat will be amazing! Spending the summer serving God in the mountains of Colorado is an absolute dream come true. But spending three solid months separated from Michael (and my family and Meredith and everyone that I know) by 830 miles and no cell phone reception sounds more like a nightmare.

I’m trying not to freak out too much. These things are never as hard as I anticipate. In junior high I was worried that high school would be terrible because we wouldn’t have the same classes and would be too busy. That was ridiculous of me. Then I was terrified that we would break up when we went off to different colleges, or that we would hardly ever see each other. It hasn’t been the easiest, but it hasn’t been anywhere near what I dreaded and we see each other almost every weekend. This will definitely be the farthest and longest separation for us to deal with.

I have no doubt that we can handle it, I just don’t know how painful it will be. But I’ll be constantly busy (and doing awesome stuff)- I’ll hardly have time to sit around pining over him. There will be internet access, so we can chat online and email each other on my days off. Maybe I’ll even get some love letters like back in the old days (hint, hint). Maybe if I’m really lucky, he’ll drive or fly to visit me for a weekend when I’m off. Carpool with Jon and Anita? Or my parents?

Hey, it won’t be so bad, right? Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Though if my heart grows much fonder, it might melt into a puddle of fondness. On the bright side, after a summer in Colorado the distance between Columbia and Rolla will seem like a short walk. I’ll probably bike there 🙂

Instead of mulling over what it will be like, I will pray, trust God, and wait. God has a way of showing up when you do that. I prayed that he would open and close the right doors so that Michael and I both end up exactly where we belong this summer. Michael had a chance to work at LVR also, but he got an internship in MO that will probably be a good career move for him. I expected that he would take it, so I wasn’t taken off guard. I’m trusting that that’s where God wants him to be, so I know everything will be okay. If you think of me in your prayers, pray for peace. I’ve always been bad at waiting on the plan. And so I reflect on my favorite verse, and remind myself that God’s timing is not my timing.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11


About Nicole

Daughter of God, wife, mother, volunteer youth leader, substitute teacher, aspiring writer, rabbit owner, nature lover. These are some of my titles.
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