Today another year of college begins. If all falls into place as it should, this is the last year for me.
Should I be excited? Or terrified? I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. But apparently I’m growing up all the same. Life doesn’t stop to wait for you to figure out your plans. I take a deep breath and tell myself that everything will be okay- it always has been so far. Stress is such a waste of time. Everything I’ve freaked out in the past has worked out just fine. I’ve botched some things up horribly, but have been blessed enough that my life hasn’t shattered at my feet yet, despite my best efforts at self-sabotage. This will be the same way. I might mess it up, but my God and all the great people in my life are always there to catch me when I fall.
I’m afraid of all the things I’ll regret not doing, and the things I will regret doing. I’m afraid of blundering forward into something that isn’t right because it feels secure. I’m afraid of throwing away security in a foolish pursuit of excitement. I’m afraid that wavering in indecision for too long will eliminate my options.
My dad told me I should do what I want while I can, because you never know what tomorrow will bring. What if I don’t know what I want?
I apologize for the whiny blog. I know that all of my anxiety is trivial and a waste of time. I know that God has a plan for me, even if I can’t see past today. When God made the plan, I bet he calculated for all of the errors I will make along the way. He knows me like that. Everything will be fine. I just don’t feel like it right now.