Swine Flu

Swine flu. I don’t believe the hype…or do I?

The Swine Flu Conspiracy

I don’t think I have it, but I feel like death warmed over. I hardly got out of bed today. Class? Forget about it. A brief history: since August I’ve had off and on variations of sore throat, cough, congestion, sneezing, watery eyes, etc. This weekend the sore throat was prominent. Now it’s the congestion. I can’t breath. I’ve blown through a whole roll of toilet paper today, and my nose is ready to fall off. My head is in a vice grip and I’m lightheaded when attempting to walk.

Who should I blame? Nebraska: Surely this is a result of suffering through that miserable football game in the cold and rain. I am suffering from pneumonia and hurt pride. The swine: Surely they have brought this upon me. My friends: Meredith, Aaron, and Jeremy are also sick. Michael and Becca are surviving so far, though she had a sore throat yesterday and he has a headache today. There are people in most of my classes with swine flu, including one of the TAs. There’s at least one girl in my sorority with swine flu. With all of that illness going around, how could I avoid it?

I don’t know who to blame, so what should I do next? Should I go to the Student Health Center? I don’t trust them. I’m sure they’re swine flu crazy. They’ll probably diagnose anyone who walks in the door. Besides, I haven’t had the best experiences with them in the past. When I go to Student Health, I get the distinct impression that they are practicing on me so that someday they can get real jobs. Maybe that’s an unfair analysis, but you can never be too careful with your health. I don’t have another doctor, plus the university is forcing me to pay for Student Health through built-in fees, so my visit would be “free.” Hmmm. It would give me a reason to skip class. More nobly, it would avert the risk of me potentially infecting all of my classmates if I do somehow end up having the dreaded swine flu (I really don’t think I have it.)

Did I mention that I hate taking medicine? Hate it. I don’t trust the stuff. I’d much sooner suck down copious amounts of tea, soup, orange juice, and vitamins and pray for miraculous healing than pop pills with a laundry list of potential complications and side effects. Someday they’ll discover that ibuprofen causes cancer. Well, probably not. But you never know what that stuff is doing to you. Admittedly, I’ve already strayed from my anti-medicine ways with this one. I bought chloraseptic throat spray, aka, liquid heaven. I also took both Dayquil and Nyquil yesterday (the cheap knock-off versions, of course), but they didn’t seem to help much except for adding to my grogginess and lethargy.

If I never blog again, anyone reading this should assume I have turned into a pig. It’s probably difficult to type with hooves rather than fingers. Of course, I’m most likely just being a big baby over a common cold. But you never can be too sure these days.

Maybe I should have avoided this.

Perhaps this was my first mistake.


About Nicole

Daughter of God, wife, mother, volunteer youth leader, substitute teacher, aspiring writer, rabbit owner, nature lover. These are some of my titles.
This entry was posted in Life as we know it and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Swine Flu

  1. dave says:

    I would avoid ibuprofen if i were you, if accidentally combined with lupus… well, you might as well stab yourself to death with an icepick.

    I know a good morphine guy if you wanna knock yourself out for a few days.

  2. Nicole says:

    Thanks for the advice, David. Is lupus contagious? How about microscopicpolyangitis? Because if so, maybe I’d better avoid ibuprofen just in case.

    It would be very strange to watch someone try to stab himself to death with an icepick. You should suggest that to the makers of the Saw movies. I’ve never seen any of them but from what I hear they probably eat that stuff up. Although it may be a little too old school. Reminds me of I Know What You Did Last Summer. I only like scary movies if they’re stupid. Speaking of which, when does the new Final Destination movie come out? We should see that!

  3. PeterDallas says:

    Drink lots of water, get lots of rest, gobble those vitamins and get better soon.

  4. swissknifev says:

    Hi Ma’am. How are you. Long long ago I was talking about your peace park stroy and how it could become a good movie script. That’s over.

    Swine flu. Who cares? Nothing will happen if you are brave. NOTHING>

    I have been through the lousiest of bars and crowds and sneezed – Nothing happen.

    Because the Good lord ain’t made it that easy for something to kill – GOOD people.

  5. swissknifev says:

    Hey! My friend Cyd – she send me the kid pic. The kid kissing the pig. YOU JUST DON’T GET SWINE FLU thet way. That is the point in the pic.

  6. swissknifev says:

    White snob

  7. swissknifev says:

    Sorry. I got the blog wrong ma’am. This was meant for some other blog. I am so sorry. My apology.

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