I’m feeling very blah. I’ve been wanting to write lately, but I’ve felt pressure to come up with something “good” and nothing comes to mind. So I’ll just write whatever comes out and it will most likely be whiny and uninteresting. Read at your own risk.
I’m so frustrated with how unproductive I am. I need a job but I hate filling out applications and going to interviews. I like working and would appreciate the sense of accomplishment as much as the money. Is there a magic wand I can wave to get a job without applying? It doesn’t have to be a good job – almost any job will do for now. Just something that takes up my time and earns me a paycheck. There’s still plenty of wedding planning to get done, but I don’t want to do it alone.
Little things feel like accomplishments. One night I made roasted butternut squash and shallot soup with fresh ginger and chicken breasts with tarragon. I was pretty proud that night. Then I had friends over for dinner and cooked spaghetti for twelve people (with much help from Michael and the use of my dad and stepmom’s house). Yesterday I went to Club Fitness and signed up for a 14-day free trial since the weather has gotten too nasty to work out outside. Physical inactivity is probably one of the main reasons I feel so gross. Hitting the gym should boost my confidence and my mood. But all that stuff is fairly minor. I’m still wasting most of my time.
The most productive thing I’m doing is volunteering at the local pregnancy resource center. I feel really good about that. But I’m still in training and it feels like forever before I’ll be able to actually start helping women. We only train once a week and didn’t meet Thanksgiving week. I can’t wait to start shadowing a counselor and helping out with classes. I’m also in a church small group going through Lee Strobel’s book The Case for Christ. I’ve read parts of it before but am really enjoying fellowship and going through each section together. The group finishes the week before Christmas. Hopefully I can join up with something else then or we can go through another book. And I’m going to DC in January for the annual March for Life. It will be my 7th time at the March. I pray someday we can rally in celebration of life instead of somberly marching to protest abortion.
Still, I hate this feeling of laziness. I want desperately to be active but am so stuck in this rut. There are so many things I could and should be doing; I don’t know where to start. I need a kick in the pants – something to get me going and keep me busy.