Tomorrow my first loan payment is due. No more grace period. My other student loan is interest free until March. It will be a fun time when I start having payments on both of them. I won’t even talk about my credit card. I could use a job. I’ve applied for a total of 17 jobs since graduation. But I feel like I could be trying a lot harder. It’s my fault I’m not getting anywhere. I’ve only gotten a call back about one job. They decided they didn’t want to interview me once I told them I’d be moving out of state in March.
I considered keeping that information to myself in the future. It wouldn’t be lying if they didn’t ask. I just feel bad letting an employer commit the time to train me if they don’t know that I won’t be around for long. Besides the fact that I’m moving in a few months, I also need some time available for travel if I ever want to see my fiance before our wedding. His job is really tough and he hardly ever gets time off, even weekends. He often works 12+ hour shifts, often works overnight shifts, seldom gets two days off in a row and hasn’t seen a dime of overtime pay. But in this economy, it’s hard to complain about a well-paid job.
I have all these fantasies about how life should work. But then real life hits and it’s not quite the same. I can’t even get all my bridesmaids together in the same state until the wedding. I hope they all make it to the wedding. I’m very frustrated right now.
I seem to have all the time in the world, yet can’t get done the things that I want. There are always extenuating circumstances. I hate doing things alone. I love going to the gym, but I wish someone would come with me. And I’m so sick of wedding planning. All the details just frustrate me and it is revolting how much it’s all costing. If I could take it all back and just elope, maybe I would. But then I would just be sitting in Indiana, probably still not getting a job, alone while Michael works his butt off to support us.
Real life is not so bad. Not so bad at all. But sometimes it just rubs you the wrong way. I need to stop complaining and stop wallowing in self-pity. No one likes to be around people who do that.