Abortion: the last resort

Abortion doesn’t come from no where. No woman wakes up and thinks, “I’d like to have an abortion.” She only makes that choice when she believes that all other options have failed her. It is a last resort. Abortion is what a woman chooses when she feels she has no choice.

How do we get to that point?

The “need” for abortion is a product of our society. Sex is casual and relationships are disposable. We don’t like to commit to anything. In America, we believe that we have a right to everything but expect freedom from consequences. Self-control is way out of style. Movies and TV can tell you that. So can Facebook. Or eavesdropping on any high school or college campus. We do what we want when we want. Forget moderation. Forget responsibility.

A lot comes down to the question of responsibility. One reason the abortion rate is so high is that men no longer take their share of responsibility. Guess what? It takes two people to get a girl pregnant. There’s always a man involved. The very fact that abortion is billed as  a woman’s choice works against women. Men no longer feel responsible for the children they father. The woman can choose abortion, therefore it’s her “fault” and her “problem” if she ends up having a baby. I heard a statistic that of women polled about why they had an abortion, 80% said they sensed the father didn’t want the child. That’s huge. Does that sound like a woman’s choice to you? She thinks she has to abort because he doesn’t want the baby, he doesn’t want to help pay, he wants nothing to do with it. Men should stand up and be men. They are biologically designed to be protectors and problem-solvers. A lot of women would want to have their babies instead of abort if the fathers would just stand up and take their share of the responsibility. How sadly ironic that something championed as a woman’s right gives men a free pass to hit it and quit it.

Responsibility should also be shared by the family. Some parents throw their daughters out if they get pregnant. Why? You think that will teach her responsibility or help her keep her life on track? I’m not saying there shouldn’t be consequences, but I do believe families should stick together and take care of each other. How often does a guy get kicked out of the house for getting his girlfriend pregnant? Think about it. We punish the result of the action instead of the action itself. Why did you get pregnant? Well, because sex is the means of reproduction. Some parents know their kids are having sex and they don’t mind, as long as it isn’t made public by an embarrassing pregnancy. Why should unwed pregnancy be taboo if unwed sex is acceptable? We have a deadly double-standard.

Now I’m going to get real “old-fashioned” on you. Sex before marriage used to be unacceptable. If people did it, they certainly didn’t brag about it or flaunt it. Why has it become so normal to sleep with everyone you date, and some people who you might not even be dating? We are broken people. God designed sex as the most sacred and irreversible bond between two people. Every person you sleep with has a part of you, physically and emotionally, forever. It’s not meant to be shared around. Marriage is supposed to be a relationship radically different than any other relationship in the human experience. Now it is almost unrecognizable. What’s unique about marriage when couples live together while dating? What’s unique about marriage when you’re already sleeping together?

Psychologically, premarital sex sets us up for a shallower commitment to marriage. We want to try the person out before we get tied down. We want to make sure it’s right for us. We corrupt love from beautiful selflessness to a self-serving pleasure. People get divorced because of “irreconcilable differences.” I think a lot of the time, people get divorced because they think their spouse is no longer adequately serving their needs. I married you for what I could get out of you. It’s all about me. When you’re not making me happy and doing what I want, I’m out of here. That’s not how it was meant to be. Love means putting the other person before yourself. Always. It’s all about you and what I can do for you to serve you and uplift you. That could be miserable existence if it were one-sided. But if both people commit to marriage equally to uplift and serve and love the other, we have as close to a perfect relationship as one can find between humans. Ephesians 5 commands wives to submit to their husbands. It also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her. It’s very offensive now to say a woman should submit to her husband. But the second half is just as crucial. The husband must love unconditionally; he must be ready to die for his wife’s well-being. Ladies, if we are careful enough to marry someone who would die for us and will always have only our best interest in mind, we should have no problem respecting and obeying our husbands. That kind of love is worth saving yourself for. It’s worth self-control until you find someone you can commit to until death. If we reject this truth, we are setting ourselves up for pain and brokenness.

The meaning of love has been perverted. The importance of responsibility has been cast aside. As a result, people say that though they don’t like abortion, they think we need to keep it legal. We don’t need to keep abortion legal. We need to radically change our perspective. We need to restore morality in our society. Emphasize responsibility. Bind up the brokenhearted. Love unconditionally. And the “need” for abortion as a solution will disappear.

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About Nicole

Daughter of God, wife, mother, volunteer youth leader, substitute teacher, aspiring writer, rabbit owner, nature lover. These are some of my titles.
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12 Responses to Abortion: the last resort

  1. Anonymous says:

    I think you got this correct on all fronts. Abortion is a symptom of a problem in society. Men share at least half the responsibility if not more since they should take the lead in the family matters.

  2. Leah says:

    Amen to that Nikki. Wonderful insight. 🙂

  3. Leah says:

    Hey, would you mind if I posted a link to this blog post in one of my posts?

  4. Nicole says:

    Thanks, Leah. A link gives me credit so by all means feel free to re-post anywhere you want.

  5. FoolsGold says:

    An interesting essay, though I would feel obligated to question some of the points you make.

    Abortions were often common in England and in America well before The Age of Permissiveness or The Sexual Revolution of the Sixties. The West Legal Publishing Company has now dropped the Topic Heading of Bastardy but for quite some time in the USA it was a major issue and the obligation of males and of communities to support and educate bastards was a serious issue, albeit one that was often considered from the point of view of financial burden to a community.

    In the age of the New British Cinema and the ascendancy of Carnaby Street, one famous line was “I’ve destroyed three of yours already”. The cavalier attitude was more attributable to the female than to the marriage-minded male. So I would question whether final-option is necessarily correct. We might like to think a woman would not be so cavalier in regard to life but often an unwanted pregnancy is accorded the same viewpoint as an unwanted sexually transmitted disease: an accident to be taken care of medically and then life continues on. We don’t always admire women who hold such views but many of our abortion laws are based on keeping the state out of the bedroom.

  6. Nicole says:

    You’re right that the sexual revolution was not the beginning of abortion, nor is it the only cause. But it certainly helped lay the groundwork for unlimited availability of abortion on demand.

    I didn’t mean to indicate that women have no share of the responsibility for their abortions. In fact, some women choose abortion without ever telling the fathers they are fathers. I just wanted to point out in the post that women are not solely to blame, because it seems that the burden is quite disproportionately laid on the mothers. Ultimately, everyone involved becomes a victim.

    As to the cavalier attitude, some women seem to genuinely feel that way. They may be the exception rather than the rule. The seemingly callous response might also be a mask for hidden pain. A woman who has experienced abortion firsthand is told by society nothing is wrong. If she has an unpleasant response to abortion, society deems there’s something wrong with her, not something wrong with abortion. It’s a fundamental flaw that alienates women who might have feelings counter to the popular message.

    I have personally heard the witness of several women who had abortions, often multiple abortions, and treated it with a cavalier attitude. These women said if they had admitted something was wrong, the burden of guilt would be far too much to bear. It was only over a long period of time and often after depression and counseling that these women acknowledged that their abortions made them miserable. After this release of the burden, they found peace. You can watch video or hear audio of the stories I’m talking about at http://silentnomoreawareness.org/

    When I hear these women talk about what they’ve been through, I know that there’s an incredible need for love and healing and I know that abortion is a crisis in our society.

  7. FoolsGold says:

    Not doing wrong? Everyone’s life is full of doing wrong. Wrong bus, wrong choice of a restaurant, wrong companions, wrong horse to bet on, etc.

    We don’t condemn a woman for getting a speeding ticket yet somehow we condemn an elective medical procedure as inherently wrong due to a sense of values that the woman is supposed to have. For some women there is a general life plan: get their breasts enhanced so as to ensnare a rich male into marriage, have kids so as to enhance the divorce settlement but have nannies and day care as the woman leads a lifestyle of spas, shopping and restaurants, have the implants removed later and then become a Happily Divorced Woman. Such females often have emergency numbers for CPAs, Divorce Lawyers and Abortionists. Do we really expect to impose on a woman what we consider to be a natural desire to procreate?

    English women used to send babies out of the home to be Wet Nursed, which often meant harsh treatment for a child and a heavy burden for the husband whose wife was forced to be the nurse.

    Not all women want to have children or look forward to dealing with wet diapers all day long.

    Aside from the morality involved in attempting to impose undesired motherhood there is the practical reality of what sort of life is an unwanted child going to experience. A short life brought to an end by homicide? A longer life but one of neglect and indifference? We have spay and neuter clinics for dogs and cats so as to avoid massive over population and premature deaths after enduring harsh conditions. Yet somehow we feel that if a human female is pregnant she should not be allowed to consider an abortion because it is wrong.

    Well, it may be a severely important decision with great consequences for her but can we say it is morally wrong. I hate it when I see a young cat or dog by the side of the road or dead of starvation. It upsets me far more than most people. I don’t like hearing of murdered children. Yet I somehow do not quite think its the same situation when its simply a zygote rather than a child. The zygote is potential whereas the baby is actual life. Do I value life? Yes. Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that a mass murderer does not value life, I value it greatly. Circumstances and decisions have great effects. The agony is endured. I recently drove my car without realizing that two kittens were sleeping in the engine compartment. I felt great distress. I don’t like abortion clinics but I don’t like murdered kids either. I value freedom too much to think that society should impose motherhood on a woman. We might wish she had certain values and we admire women who do have values and accept the consequences of their actions. We provide education and contraceptives, but when failures occur, do we really want to impose motherhood?

  8. Nicole says:

    I understand your thought process. A lot of people think abortion is a necessary evil to prevent unwanted children from having bad lives. I understand your pain and anguish over suffering animals. I feel the same way.

    Here is the difference in our thinking. You talk about imposing procreation on a woman. I’m not saying that every woman should want 15 kids. Or that every woman is cut out to be a mother at all. If a woman doesn’t want kids, or only wants one, that’s her business. Until she gets pregnant. Then the issue changes. I do not believe, as you stated that a zygote is only potential life and not a child. My belief is based on science.

    At the moment of fertilization, the zygote has a complete set of DNA, unique of the mother’s. Every genetically dominant or recessive trait is determined. The zygote is undergoing cell division: it is living and growing. Clearly it is alive. Clearly it is not an organ or other part of the mother. Clearly if left alone it cannot and will not develop into anything that is not human. Looking at those facts, it is obvious when life begins. A zygote is already a living person. You could call a sperm or an egg potential life, though that can have very uncomfortable implications for a lot of people. But in a zygote, the potential has been fulfilled.

    So abortion is not the same as spaying or neutering an animal. It’s not the same as a woman deciding she doesn’t want to be a mother. It’s a mother deciding she doesn’t want her child to live. And that is unacceptable. I am very close to several people who had unhappy childhoods with less than affectionate parents. Did they go through some hell? Yes. Are they still happy, valuable members of society? Absolutely. It is unconscionable to kill someone to “save” them from an unhappy childhood. Adoption is always there. People think adoption is horrible and selfish. It is quite the opposite. The woman selflessly lets her baby live and gives it a better life than she could. Children in foster care are there mostly because their biological parents won’t give up the rights to them. But there is a huge waiting list of couples in America (and other countries, I’m sure) who are eager to adopt and provide loving homes. This way, no one is imposing motherhood on the biological mother, the child gets to live, and a loving family gets a child they couldn’t have on their own.

  9. piggyy says:

    Abolishing abortion would be a bad idea. I understand everyone’s concerns, but you have to understand if you make a product with a high demand illegal it creates an underground market which raises crime and murder rates.

    The drug trade is the perfect example of cutting supply to fix a demand sided problem. Cutting supply has never worked because there is too much money involved. Anytime a dealer is taken out of the market another jumps in. What’s worse big time dealers encourage young children who have little access to money and high needs to join the trade because they are juveniles and can beat drug offenses, which actually makes the drug trade a wider public health problem. These kids drop out of school and fight to the top of the drug market and then encourage young children who have little access to money and high needs to join the trade. The cycle repeats over and over again. A similar thing would happen with abortion prohibition. The detrimental effects would far outweigh the good. It’s a perfect example of the expression the path to hell is paved with good intentions. We need to take a breath and think about how things will work in the real world, not how they work in our minds.

    The best thing to do would be to focus on prevention. Teach young children to avoid getting pregnant, to use contraceptives, provide counseling — focus on demand side things. The goal should be to change culture from the inside out.

  10. Nicole says:

    Prevention is one essential part of the solution.

  11. Nicole says:

    Leah, since I’m unable to comment on your blog, here is my response to it:

    Hey Leah. Thanks for the mention and thanks for caring so much about life!

    I see where you’re coming from, but I’m going to have to disagree with you on some things. Forgive me; this will be long.

    First, overturning Roe v. Wade would not make abortion illegal. The Roe decision made abortion a federally protected “right.” The far-reaching consequence: the Supreme Court has overruled numerous state laws regulating abortions with the claim that they unfairly limited women’s rights. Overturning Roe would return abortion to a state rather than a federal decision. Each state could choose individually how to regulate abortion. This could make abortion illegal in some states, but it wouldn’t de facto make it illegal anywhere. It would simply take the decision away from Supreme Court judges and return it to states.

    Next, you say “no one is ever going to agree on when life begins.” That is lie created by abortion proponents to further their cause. They are trying to make life a moral/religious/philosophical discussion, and therefore a gray area. Science does not agree. The instant a sperm fertilizes an egg, the new zygote has a complete, unique set of DNA separate from the mother or anyone else on earth. The zygote instantly begins cell division – things that aren’t alive don’t grow on their own. All the genetics of this person are in place at fertilization: the gender, hair color, eye color, dominant and recessive traits are all set in stone. This isn’t a pro-life opinion. It is scientific fact. Gynecologists and other scientists are in complete agreement on these facts of when life begins.

    The real debate, though sugarcoated and hidden by rhetoric, is when life becomes valuable. This is a slippery slope. There can be no middle ground. There can be no compromise. If life can be de-valued inside the womb, it can just as easily be de-valued outside the womb. When does life become valuable? When it looks recognizably like a baby? When the mother decides she wants her child? How can we arbitrarily pick an age or stage of development at which killing someone is less horrific? We can’t. As long as we are willing to compromise, we are looking away during a holocaust. Some things have no middle ground. Killing is one of those things.

    I absolutely agree with you on some things. Planned Parenthood should be bulldozed.
    Making abortion illegal won’t ultimately solve the problem. It would be a great step in the right direction. Making it unthinkable is the true goal. Abortion is a vile solution. When we remove it, we must replace it with a better solution.

    Thanks for your blog, Leah. I’ve gone back and read some of your older posts and will keep checking back.

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