Today my son and I enter our third trimester of pregnancy. I have always made much of milestones. Since I got pregnant, those milestones come in weekly increments. Every Tuesday means another week of progress. I read about my baby’s development online and celebrate his ever-increasing odds of survival and anticipate the unfathomable day of his birth. Every day I feel him kick and squirm and move inside me. I talk to him and touch my belly and feel our relationship being established, although it’s still difficult for me to picture what life will be like when I have an infant.
My days are filled with research and decisions from what car seat to register for to what kind of diapers we’ll use to whether or not we’ll have him circumcised. There are trivial preparations, like joining Pinterest and collecting ideas for nursery decorations. There are potentially life-changing preparations like writing a will and choosing legal guardians should we die. And amid it all, amazingly, regular life keeps happening also. I still have meetings for various boards and committees, church commitments, time with friends, groceries to buy, bills to pay, family to keep in touch with. I still find myself wondering regularly if I’m doing too much or if I’m not doing enough with the opportunities in life.
My heart and mind are full to bursting. Yet this blog sits neglected. Part of it is busyness. Blogging just isn’t the priority that it once was in my life. But it’s more than that. Several posts languish as drafts that I may never publish. I love writing. But my worries about privacy nag at me more and more. I started this blog in 2008 for a class. I used my real name because I didn’t know what else to do and I expected that my readership would never expand much past my professor and a few classmates. I never dreamed that five years down the road I would be pondering how the collection of what I’ve written and disclosed could affect my children.
I’m proud of almost everything I’ve written. I love to look back and reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going. This blog contains a lot of pieces of me. That makes it special to me, and I’ve been resisting letting it go.
But I’ve determined that this particular site is no longer appropriate for the type of writing I most enjoy. I do love occasional political writing. There are issues that get me passionate and I want my voice to be heard by as wide an audience as possible. But my strongest inclination is toward personal writing. I love to explore the human experience: thoughts, emotions, relationships. Those topics are easiest to approach through the lens of my own experiences since I have an all-access pass to my head and heart.
When I look over my stats and comments, it’s clear that my readership has evolved quite a bit. I now draw occasional heavy bouts of traffic, sometimes exceeding 1,000 views a day on popular stories I’ve covered. Comments come mostly from strangers who found the blog through search engines. They’re not looking for my personal writing, but it’s here for all to see. It doesn’t seem ideal for anyone that I keep treating this blog like I did in the past.
I can’t bear to take down the years of written history I’ve amassed here. At least not yet. I will keep this blog, and as I have time I’ll write posts that seem relevant to a general audience. But as of today I am creating a new blog where I can feel comfortable writing on a personal level again. E.B. White said that natural candor is the key ingredient to successful personal writing. I concur. I’ve debated what level of privacy is appropriate. My plan is to create a blog that is still publicly accessible but will lack identifying information such as my name. I won’t make any efforts to promote the posts like I have done with many of the posts on here. I will avoid tags that have done such a wonderful job of drawing people from search engines. I will only disclose the link to family and friends, understanding that occasional strangers may stumble upon its contents by chance.
That being said, life is not experienced in a vacuum. I don’t want to write solely for myself and I don’t want to lack feedback. And let’s be honest, I do like attention. If you know me personally and would like the link to my new blog, please message, email, text or somehow get a hold of me. One thing that Google+ has reminded me (although I never ever use it), is that narrow circles are wonderful in the right context. Dear friends and acquaintances, may we never lose touch.
To my Wandering Mind followers who I don’t know outside of cyberspace, I hope this is not goodbye. I enjoy our interactions and love seeing comments from a world bigger than I ever thought I’d reach. I promise to try to post on general topics that grab my attention, though as you have already seen those posts might be months apart. I feel this is the close of a certain chapter in my life, though I doubt anyone will feel as nostalgic about it as I do. This is my 270th post. It is a great conceit to believe anything I have to say is of interest to anyone else. To anyone who has ever taken notice of my writing and rambling, I thank you.